Anger, Forgiveness, and Mother

Studio Portrait Of Chinese Mother With Adult Son Smiling To Each Other

Happy Women's Day! This article is actually a speech draft made by the CRG founder for his national speech contest in Taiwan. It has tons of Chengyu and also there is a short verse at the end.


人生无法永远一帆风顺的。有时候问题可以自己解决,有时候却需要别人协助。帮助我们的人,有的是宅心仁厚,有的却是居心叵测。可是,对我来说,有一个贵人,她从来不会别有企图的。她就是我的母亲。


这次来到台湾,是我的一趟疗伤之旅,因为我要忘掉一段伤心的往事。我从来不是个「妈宝」,但这次我当了「妈宝」,很温顺地听从母亲的安排,来到台湾。


后来我发现我到台湾是对的。在台湾半年多了,学了正统汉字以后,不但学习到悠久的中华文化,也更了解了一些人生哲理。像这「恕」和「怒」这两个字,内涵都是跟心有关,但一个是代表宽容,另一个却是代表憎恨。为何我对这「恕」和「怒」这两个字,印象特别深刻呢?这就要从我的伤心爱情故事说起了。


爱情来的时候总是甜美的,但爱情要离开时却是悲伤的。这似乎是至理名言。我相信前者,但我不相信后者,因为我是个对自己充满自信的男孩,我觉得,我喜欢的人一定不会离开我。


然而事与愿违,我出现了情敌,而我的情敌居然是我最要好的朋友。班上上上下下都知道,我却是最后才知道的那一个。这可真是晴天霹雳。


我不甘示弱,不认输的个性在我的血液沸腾,和我牵手的人怎么可能拱手让给别人?还有,他又是我的好友。他们背叛了我。我像一头斗败的公鸡,怎么可以接受?我要挑战,一举一动,掀起满城风雨!我变得愤怒面目可憎,颓废自暴自弃。


一向让我自由,从来不干涉我的母亲,知道了我的作为后,就耳提面命地跟我说:「感情的事,很难说谁对谁错。你可以输,也可以不成功,但千万不要自暴自弃。愤怒是一种负面情绪,是一种人没有安全感、内心脆弱的表现。宽恕呢,反而是一种正面情绪,是慈悲、平和的力量。感情的事强求不得,宽恕他们吧!」


母亲的一席话,醍醐灌顶,当头棒喝,敲醒了颓废的我,更鼓励我暂时离开家园,到台湾求学,转换心境,重新出发。


如今回想起来,母亲所说的话,真是有智慧,其中的涵义,与这「恕」和「怒」这两个字有异曲同工之效。 「怒」这个字,上面是「奴」下面是「心」,就是「心的奴隶」。相反,「恕」这个字,上面是「如」下面是「心」,是代表「如意自在」,是一种从容、达观的态度。


感谢我生命中的贵人母亲,在我失意的时候拉我一把,而她的明智之举送我到台湾,学到汉字,体会人生。面对未来,纵有风雨更有晴。岂可鸟飞不留影,船过水无痕,最后,在此对我的母亲说声感恩----母亲,感谢您 !



人生無法永遠一帆風順的。有時候問題可以自己解決,有時候卻需要別人協助。幫助我們的人,有的是宅心仁厚,有的卻是居心叵測。可是,對我來說,有一個貴人,她從來不會別有企圖的。她就是我的母親。


這次來到台灣,是我的一趟療傷之旅,因為我要忘掉一段傷心的往事。我從來不是個「媽寶」,但這次我當了「媽寶」,很溫順地聽從母親的安排,來到台灣。


後來我發現我到台灣是對的。在台灣半年多了,學了正統漢字以後,不但學習到悠久的中華文化,也更了解了一些人生哲理。像這「恕」和「怒」這兩個字,內涵都是跟心有關,但一個是代表寬容,另一個卻是代表憎恨。為何我對這「恕」和「怒」這兩個字,印象特別深刻呢?這就要從我的傷心愛情故事說起了。


愛情來的時候總是甜美的,但愛情要離開時卻是悲傷的。這似乎是至理名言。我相信前者,但我不相信後者,因為我是個對自己充滿自信的男孩,我覺得,我喜歡的人一定不會離開我。


然而事與願違,我出現了情敵,而我的情敵居然是我最要好的朋友。班上上上下下都知道,我卻是最後才知道的那一個。這可真是晴天霹靂。


我不甘示弱,不認輸的個性在我的血液沸騰,和我牽手的人怎麼可能拱手讓給別人?還有,他又是我的好友。他們背叛了我。我像一頭鬥敗的公雞,怎麼可以接受?我要挑戰,一舉一動,掀起滿城風雨!我變得憤怒面目可憎,頹廢自暴自棄。


一向讓我自由,從來不干涉我的母親,知道了我的作為後,就耳提面命地跟我說:「感情的事,很難說誰對誰錯。你可以輸,也可以不成功,但千萬不要自暴自棄。憤怒是一種負面情緒,是一種人沒有安全感、內心脆弱的表現。寬恕呢,反而是一種正面情緒,是慈悲、平和的力量。感情的事強求不得,寬恕他們吧 !」


母親的一席話,醍醐灌頂,當頭棒喝,敲醒了頹廢的我,更鼓勵我暫時離開家園,到台灣求學,轉換心境,重新出發。


如今回想起來,母親所說的話,真是有智慧,其中的涵義,與這「恕」和「怒」這兩個字有異曲同工之效。「怒」這個字,上面是「奴」下面是「心」,就是「心的奴隸」。相反,「恕」這個字,上面是「如」下面是「心」,是代表「如意自在」,是一種從容、達觀的態度。


感謝我生命中的貴人母親,在我失意的時候拉我一把,而她的明智之舉送我到台灣,學到漢字,體會人生。面對未來,縱有風雨更有晴。豈可鳥飛不留影,船過水無痕,最後,在此對我的母親說聲感恩----母親,感謝您 !


English translation:

Life can't be smooth forever. Sometimes problems can be solved by our own self, but sometimes we need assistance from others. Some of the people who help us are good-hearted, but some are ill-hearted. However, for me, there is an important person, she never has any side intentions in helping me. She is my mother.

This time coming to Taiwan, was my healing journey because I want to forget a sad memory in the past. I have never been a "mama’s boy", but this time I became a "mama’s boy", listened to my mother's arrangement very docilely, and came to Taiwan.

Later I discovered that coming to Taiwan is the right decision. After more than half a year in Taiwan, learning the traditional Chinese characters, I did not only learn a long history of Chinese culture, I also learned some philosophy of life. Like the words "forgiveness" and "anger", the meanings are all related to the heart, but one is representing tolerance while the other is representing hatred. Why am I having a deep impression with the words "forgiveness" and "anger"? I will tell you about my romance story.

Love is always sweet when it comes, but love is sorrowful when it leaves. This seems to be a famous saying. I believe in the former, but I don't believe in the latter, because I am a boy who is confident in myself. I think the people I like will never leave me.

However, contrary to expectations, I have a love rival, and my love rival is actually my best friend. Everybody in the class knows, and I was the one who finally knew it. This is really a bolt from the blue.

I am not willing to show my weakness, and the personality that does not admit defeat is boiling in my blood. How can people who hold hands with me, also giving her hands to others? Even worse, he is my good friend. They betrayed me. I am like a defeated rooster, how can I accept this? I want to challenge, with every action, to raise up the storm! I became angry and depressed, and abandoned myself to despair.

My mom, who has always been keeping me free and never interfered me before, after knowing what I did, said to me, "It’s hard to say who is right or wrong. It is okay to lose, and it is also okay to not succeed, but never ever give up on yourself. Anger is a kind of negative emotion, is a kind of expression that shows people are insecure and fragile. On the contrary, forgiveness is a positive emotion, is a force of compassion and peace. The matter of feelings cannot be forced, so just forgive them!"

The words of my mother, are full with wisdom, hitting me right in the head, waking up the dejected me, encouraged me more to leave my home temporarily, to go studying in Taiwan, to refresh my mood, to start again.

Thinking back, the words spoken by the mother are really wise. The meaning of all these words is similar to the Chinese character "forgiveness" and "anger". This "anger" character, has the character "slave" above, and the character "heart" below, which is simply "the slave of the heart." On the contrary, the character "forgiveness" consist of "in accordance" on above, and "heart" on below, which represents "to get one's wishes easily". It is a calm and optimistic attitude.

Thanks to the important person of my life, mother, who made me get up again whenever I get frustrated, and with her sensible act sent me to Taiwan, to learn Chinese characters, and experience life. In the face of the future, there will be more sunny days than stormy days. Why is it that the flying bird does not leave a shadow, the crossing boat does not leave a water trace? And the last, here I would like to say thank you to my mother ---- Mother, thank you!


Special notes:

  • 一帆風順 - yīfānfēngshùn – [idiom] smooth sailing (things)
  • 宅心仁厚 - zháixīnrénhòu – [idiom] good-hearted
  • 居心叵測 - jūxīnpǒcè – [idiom] having side intentions
  • 別有企圖 - biéyǒuqìtú – [idiom] have ulterior motives
  • 事與願違 - shìyǔyuànwéi – [idiom] contrary to expectation
  • 上上下下 - shàngshàngxiàxià - [idiom] everybody
  • 晴天霹靂 - qíngtiānpīlì – [idiom] a bolt from the blue; a shocking news
  • 不甘示弱 - bùgānshìruò – [idiom] not willing to show weakness
  • 一舉一動 – yījǔyīdòng – [idiom] each and every move
  • 滿城風雨 - mǎnchéngfēngyǔ – [idiom] wind and rain through the town
  • 面目可憎 - miànmùkězēng – [idiom] disgusting appearance; ghastly
  • 自暴自棄 - zìbàozìqì – [idiom] give oneself up as hopeless
  • 耳提面命 - ěrtímiànmìng – [idiom] to give sincere advice
  • 醍醐灌頂 - tíhúguàndǐng – [idiom] filled with wisdom; enlightening
  • 當頭棒喝 - dāngtóubànghè – [idiom] a direct blow on the head
  • 異曲同工 - yìqǔtónggōng – [idiom] different approach leading to the same result
  • 明智之舉 - míngzhìzhījǔ – [idiom] sensible act
  • 縱有風雨更有晴 - zòng yǒu fēngyǔ gèng yǒu qíng – there will be more sunny days than stormy days; there will be more good days than bad days
  • 鳥飛不留影,船過水無痕 - niǎo fēi bù liúyǐng, chuánguò shuǐ wú hén – the flying bird does not leave a shadow, the crossing boat does not leave a water trace

The photo is taken from here.  

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